These are normal reactions to significant loss. In some ways, though, there could be worse times to be bereaved. Due to stay-at-home orders, many people in mourning are feeling more loneliness than they would have under typical circumstances. This might be due to scheduling conflicts, a lack of finances, a recent spate of deaths in the family, or even because it was what the deceased wished. COVID-19 is a new disease, and we are still learning how it spreads. Recognize your feelings of grief, loss and sadness as normal during this time.”. Invite them out to coffee and talk about the deceased by name. The one thing you want to avoid is to critique the family’s decision in any way. Offer your help in cooking, cleaning, and childcare. Yet there is more than one way to say goodbye to your aunt and find closure. No casket lowered into the ground. “We may have to be socially distant but we can remain emotionally connected.”. In general, there is no need to delay funeral services and visitations due to COVID-19. It’s also unclear when traditional funerals will be an option in the future. In truth, there is nothing neat and tidy about grief. ©2021 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. “It is OK to grieve differently from what you thought was the norm. Just because there was no funeral does not mean it's business as usual. “People may be more likely to stay in the denial stage of grief for a longer period of time when they do not see other people grieving the deceased individual,” she continued. If there are no funds in the estate to afford the cost of a funeral, and the family refuses to pay for it, there won’t be one. … It's been one year since the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a pandemic. Friends and family members can gather via chat conference to talk about their lost loved one, share memories or simply cry together and know they aren’t alone in their grief. Although it's been difficult, those in the industry say many of the changes have been for the better — and will allow more flexibility and safety even after the COVID-19 pandemic is under control. Everyone grieves differently: Despite what others may say, no one knows exactly how you feel. In fact, if they are adhering to the deceased’s wishes (against their own inclination) or because they lack the finances for a funeral, they may be feeling doubly upset. As always, it’s important to recognize that there is no one right way to grieve. Sign up for our WellCast newsletter for more of the love, lolz and happy! “If it is really hitting you hard, talk to your doctor to see if there is something they can help with for sleep and to ensure that you are physically healthy and not dehydrated or low on vitamins from not eating well.” Reidenberg said. You don't need a full, formal funeral service in order to say goodbye to your loved one. Just because there is no funeral does not mean the family is not grieving. Send a condolence card. When the person crosses your mind, light the candle and say a few words. Not everyone is grieved in a big, formal way. “Whenever things return to normal and we can all come out of isolation, it is essential that families go forward with memorial services and celebrations of life. When dealing with deaths where people are presumed dead but there is no body, it is important for funeral professionals as well as friends to be especially empathetic and willing to listen. Don't ignore your grief. Copyright © 2021 Copper Six LLC. The authorities have hired new people to dig graves, said a manager at Tehran's Behesht-e Zahra cemetery. 5 This can be difficult for extended relatives and friends of the deceased, as you might be looking forward to a chance to connect, memorialize, and grieve. Be sure to think carefully about … But there are a few things to keep in mind that may help. Any death of a relative or loved one is somewhat isolating, but a death without a body can make the survivors feel that they are the only ones who have ever had to go through this anguish. “Without this element of face-to-face support and left alone in quarantine, people experiencing losses ― whether coronavirus-related or not ― may suffer more due to isolation.”. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried—and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. “To do this, think of what helps you most at a funeral, such as readings, poems, pictures or music and create something similar on a smaller scale. Even starting a text thread with close friends to talk about the person you’ve lost can be helpful,” said Megan Devine, a psychotherapist and author of “, “I created a collage of pictures, and I continue to do things that make me think of my father. Part of HuffPost Wellness. You might be feeling sadness, disbelief, anger, guilt, or numbness right now, or all of the above at different times. “One benefit of this is that people who ordinarily might not be able to attend services, due to living far away, finances or even a discomfort with grieving in public, are now able to participate,” she said. But if you cannot make it to the funeral, if you are not allowed to go to the funeral, how can you grieve? The key is to talk to someone else about your feelings, rather than keep them bottled up. “All of those methods of supporting someone in grief that are so ingrained in our society are simply no longer an option, so we find ourselves in uncharted territory on a micro and macro level,” Stuempfig explained. Grief does not always unfold in orderly, predictable stages. There is no “normal” time period for someone to grieve. Lianna Champ leading a funeral procession She urged people to "focus on the life that has been lived" and not "get stuck on the manner of death or the funeral". “I created a collage of pictures, and I continue to do things that make me think of my father. Experts share advice for mourning a loved one in the time of the coronavirus pandemic. No person’s grieving process is the same.”. When there is no funeral or memorial service, you miss this opportunity for closure. Although most families hold some sort of memorial service when a loved one dies, there are times when there is no commemoration planned. You can keep a private journal for your eyes only or even write a tribute to share with loved ones. EXTRA STAFF. “I think it’s useful for people to know that what they’re experiencing right now is a normal reaction,” O’Connor says. Grieving is a personal and highly individual experience. Support journalism without a paywall — and keep it free for everyone — by, An essential daily guide to achieving the good life, “Don’t deny your grief simply because there isn’t a funeral,” said Dan Reidenberg, a mental health expert and executive director of, “It’s important to find connection in whatever ways you can. “Don’t deny your grief simply because there isn’t a funeral,” said Dan Reidenberg, a mental health expert and executive director of Suicide Awareness Voices of Education. You might also want to ask what kinds of steps the family is taking to memorialize the deceased. “The best thing we can do for grief is connect with others.”. Don’t expect to pass through phases of grief either, as research suggests that most people do not go through stages as progressive steps. You still need to process the loss, get emotional support, and work through the phases of bereavement you experience. The uncertainty of when they might be able to honor their loved one in this way is difficult and anxiety-provoking. 5. The woman’s family, most of whom lived 100 miles away, were unable to attend because of coronavirus restrictions. Grief is very personal, so follow your unique process. Although you may find it upsetting not to hold a funeral or memorialize the deceased, it is not your decision to make. Although you want to be careful not to overstep your bounds with regards to the family, there are several ways you can do this: You might even want to invite the family to participate in these events, as they could find the support to be healing. When it comes to unique funeral traditions, no one does it quite like ancient Vikings. It’s a healing experience and an opportunity for forgiveness, although the latter is sometimes in short supply. Sending emails and letters to people in your network is another way to take part in a collective grieving process. “My husband and I got a tree and planted in our yard and I look out at it every day and say hello to my dad,” she said. Along the way, we will surely find alternate ways to grieve, watching our funerals on the blue light of our screens, distant but not isolated, trying to be together while apart. “Write or journal and keep it in a safe place to share with others if there is a funeral in the future,” Reidenberg said. “Crying brings a sense of relief.”, “Even though we can’t support one another in person, I encourage people to reach out as much as they can to family members through phone calls and video platforms,” Stuempfig said. Rinse and repeat as needed. If you find yourself anxious at the thought of attending a … Let’s start by saying, great suggestion for a post! Instead, she created her own personal tributes. Delaying grief is not healthy and can lead to long-term physical and psychological challenges. View: 5 miles | 15 miles | 30 miles | Search again, Our florists offer same day delivery to ANYWHERE and gorgeous arrangements, For Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, & Hindu funerals, Visit a place that was special to you and the deceased, Make a donation or contribution to a charity in the deceased’s name. But while there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain tha… You can help counteract this by acting exactly as you would if there was a large funeral planned. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. The grieving process is different for everyone. Arrangements are still necessary for the body. We have probably all been there, but there is a good chance we haven’t talked about it because it feels, well . “Given the importance of this in-person witnessing of grief, I encourage families to understand that this is temporary,” Stuempfig said. We can’t control how long it takes or how many times it starts over. What To Do When Someone Dies: Social Security and Othe…, What to Do if You are Asked to Be a Pallbearer. Sending Condolences. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to process your grief and move forward in this uncertain time. “Just because you can’t go to a funeral doesn’t mean that you can’t create something on your own as a way to say goodbye to a loved one,” Reidenberg noted. A common misconception about grief is that there is a linear timeline that one must pass through in order to come to terms with the death of a loved one. I make waffles like he used to make, I eat his favorite candy, and I spend time looking at pictures of him that remind me that we’ll always be connected because I can always choose to think of him and everything he brought to my life.”. Some traditional ways of experiencing and processing grief are still healthy options ― like having a good cry. The better your understanding of grief and how it is healed, the better equipped you’ll be to help a bereaved friend or family member:. It was a funeral with no mourners – and not for a lack of relatives and friends. First Congregational Church erected a flag memorial garden Downtown so people can go there to see the scope of deaths nationally and in the state and grieve, and it … “Find ways to get on paper what you can’t share now so that when the real funeral happens others will see how much your loss affected you.” I make waffles like he used to make, I eat his favorite candy, and I spend time looking at pictures of him that remind me that we’ll always be connected because I can always choose to think of him and everything he brought to my life.”, It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand. Writing out your feelings can be a therapeutic experience in times of grief. Everyone deserves accurate information about COVID-19. Make sure you have emotional support and are taking care of your mind and body as you experience different physical and psychological reactions to loss. A handful of family members could … While families might hope that the loss of a loved one will bring them together as a cohesive unit, it is often found that the reverse is true. From disagreem... more », Whether your funeral planning efforts resulted in a traditional ceremony and burial, or if you opted for a private cremation scattering, it’s a common practice to invite everyone in attendance to a post-funeral gathering. These all-consuming feelings may also prevent people from acknowledging their grief, but it’s important to create space for it. This allows you to go through a personalized way to grieve your loss.”. “Individuals grieving during this time should accept their pain and understand it is OK to cry,” said Saniyyah Mayo, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles. miles. Use ritual: if you can’t go to the funeral (or there is not one), plan your own memorial service. You will go through the same stages of shock and grief as you would if you were in close contact. When we grieve, we can’t control the process. Although you do not want to invite yourself over (they will let you know if they want company), asking about the tribute is a good way to show your support. “Find ways to get on paper what you can’t share now so that when the real funeral happens others will see how much your loss affected you.”. “Being alone, together, changes things: It makes the burden just a bit easier to bear.”. The funeral is actually for the living, to celebrate the life of the person who has died, and it is not necessary to always have a coffin or casket present. “I acknowledge that this is not the same as being able to have a hug or to sit together in close proximity but the virtual connections can be a way in which the emotional connections can be expressed where we are at now.”. “The spread of the novel coronavirus and associated social distancing has made it so that people are unable to grieve their loved ones in the traditional ways, through funerals and family gatherings,” Becky Stuempfig, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Encinitas, California, told HuffPost. “While we are in this moment, there are still resources available online including grief counseling, grief coaching and grief groups,” Ward added. If there is no grave because the deceased was cremated rather than buried, there are multiple options available to you. There are many ways to get creative with the grieving process. Yet, society tries to put grief in a box filled with expectations, timelines and wrapping it up neatly with a bow. Devine touted the benefits of grief support groups, many of which are on social media and other digital platforms. “Without typical funerals and customs available, it’s time to be creative and to make new ones that may become even better than some of our long-standing customs,” Thomas said. There is no legal obligation to host a funeral service. Families opting for a delayed funeral ceremony often note this in the obituary, as it is a centralized place for those who knew the deceased person to get accurate and up-to-date information on events being planned. Be open to different ways of grieving. Share favorite photos and memories. If your grief feels entirely debilitating or just very overwhelming for longer than two weeks or a month, it may be helpful to check in with someone to care for your mental and physical health. Coping with the loss of someone or something you love is one of lifes biggest challenges. Even without a funeral, they could have an ash-scattering ceremony planned, or they might be planning a quiet dinner at home one night. Generally, pain is tempered as time passes, but there is no timeline with grief. However, because it is the family’s choice whether or not to hold a service, all you can do is come up with your own way to move forward. However, some changes to traditional practices are likely needed. Select from these locations within Celebrating a loved one’s life in a public group setting with others is a very healing part of the grieving process, but social distancing and stay-at-home orders mean many families must delay memorial services for an unknown amount of time. On top of it all, people are experiencing grief in the midst of a global crisis that brings additional losses beyond the death of a loved one ― the loss of a job, savings, sense of identity and more. “They are giving the immediate family the right to attend the burial process, while still following the CDC recommendation of no more than 10 people gathering in the same space, and invite their family members and friends to attend the service virtually.”. “Grieving people should be aware that many hospices and mental health providers are offering phone and video services to support people in their bereavement,” Stuempfig said. Knowing that there is no magic formula to make your grief go away may not make you feel much better. “Many funeral homes are offering livestreaming of graveside services,” Stuempfig said. “While many people have continued to do traditional funerals over the years, just as many people have wanted to do different things in the area of grieving and memorializing people, and this is an opportunity to put our modern stamp on how we mark the passing of a loved one, now and for future generations.”. Grief does not begin or end with a funeral and it definitely does not have an expiration date or a timeline attached to it. Set aside time to acknowledge your grief … “There are many virtual options for both individual and group support as well as books, articles and blogs about what to expect from the grieving process.”. “Grief is real whether there is a formal wake or funeral. FloristOne offers same day delivery from local florists. She particularly recommends grief expert David Kessler’s website grief.com, which features educational videos, live groups and links to resources. Create your own marked moment. Order funeral flowers and have them delivered to the family home (assuming they do not put out an “in lieu of” request). “Write or journal and keep it in a safe place to share with others if there is a funeral in the future,” Reidenberg said. August 4, 2017 by Michele. All rights reserved. One particularly difficult change is its impact on the way we mourn the loss of loved ones. “It’s important to find connection in whatever ways you can. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and the nature of the loss. Other expressive rituals include cooking your lost loved one’s favorite meal, lighting a candle while remembering a special moment you shared, or doing an art project. 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